Listen close ye lubbers fer I'll not repeat miself fer the likes a you. This Friday that be approachin' be talk like a pirate day and none other. That's right ye scurvy dogs. Four days hence ye'll be hearin' the dulcet tones of the Queen's own English from one corner o' the Blogsea to t'other. An if ye don't, well Captain Smilin' Jim Feathersword 'll have a word or two to say 'bout it!

Posted by: Jim at 08:55 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

Glenn Reynolds has joined the Alliance against the Instapundit! Yes, the Blogfather, in a move like something out of a cold war spy movie, has turned coat and publicly sided against himself. Is the puppy blender really a monkey boy or is this some devious Instatrick? Only time will tell.

Posted by: Jim at 02:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

My votes for this weeks' showcase are (drumroll please):

Who Needs Citizenship from Pardon My English
If Americans Ran the Afterlife from Machine in the Ghost
Cat's Eyes from Like a Packet of Woodbines

Go check out the showcase. Vote for some folks by linking to their posts on your blog. Support our young bloggers! Most importantly, support me. My entry is Why oh why do I have to love women?

Posted by: Jim at 02:05 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 79 words, total size 1 kb.

The letter of the day is was "R".

"R" is for Ravish, what happens to a gal after she serves her date panties under glass.

Posted by: Jim at 01:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

1. What are the top three things you like about your job? Top three dislikes?

• Likes:
  
  
  1. The people - I work with a fantastic team. Every person is skilled, has a professional work ethic, is friendly with a good sense of humor, and everybody works well together.
  
  
  2. The location - Georgia, Sweet Georgia. I owe my status as a voluntary southerner to this job.
  
  
  3. Psycho-nerd friendly - Not only do I get to work on a computer all day long, my primary job goal is to break stuff on it!


• Dislikes:
  
  
  1. Medicharade - Lowsy health coverage just added insult to injury by increasing in cost by almost 500%.
  
  
  2. Purchases - Getting programs, equipment, office supplies is just slightly more difficult than pulling teeth here. I've had an order for steno pads held for almost 4 months now. Steno pads. 4 months. I could buy them myself and expense them but I'd rather bend over and take it up the rectum with a nail gun first. It's the principle of the thing.
  
  
  3. HVAC - The heating and air conditioning blow (no pun intended). Heat is on G's side of the prairie, a/c is on mine. I freeze and he broils.
     

2. What do you wish you could do on your weekends?
Nothing. I would love to have a weekend where I did absolutely nothing. Wake up whenever, do whatever, sleep whenever. That would be so cool.

3. What architectural style appeals to you the most and why?
Post modern antedeluvian. I have no idea what that is but it sure sounds fancy, eh?

4. If your house was on fire and your family and pets were safe but you could only grab three things, what would they be?
First off I'd be leaving the birds and the fish in order to grab more than 3 things. Sheesh, get the priorities straight. Forget the dogs and cats, too. If they don't know to get out when the house is on fire then they can say hello to Darwin for me. Natural selection, baby. That's where it's at.

After keys, wallet and cell phone would come strongbox, box of albums and many CD's with our lives recorded upon them.

5. What was the last premonition you had come true?
With three kids they come on a daily basis. You just look around to see what they're doing and imagine the worst possible way it could come out. They generally fulfill that prophecy for you. Yesterday Bear and Bacon were riding Bacon's trike on the porch. I just knew that Bear was going to take them down the big front hill and plow into the railroad tie in front of the bushes. And they did. They didn't actually flip over the tie and fall down the front embankment through the bushes, which I had also thought they would do, so I guess that's just a partial premonition fulfillment. They'll probably take care of that last part today sometime.

6. What is love?
Crikey, that's a rough one. Maybe I should switch to the Friday Five so I won't get anything harder than "What's your favorite color and how did this change since you were a kid". Anyway, love is many things. Many splendored things, I guess. It's caring, nurturing, supporting and knowing you in turn are cared for, nurtured and supported. It's giving of yourself for no other reason than you want to do so. Most of all it's a touch, a glance, a smile or maybe a little unexpected kiss that makes you warm inside and requires no response because it just is what it is.

Posted by: Jim at 11:47 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 619 words, total size 4 kb.

Spread the word.

Posted by: Jim at 07:55 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

The letter of the day is "D" as in Deceptive, like Arafat's biological bombs.

(Link snagged at Common Sense & Wonder)

Posted by: Jim at 03:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

Don't forget this cool feature over at The Truth Laid Bear. Each weak, NZ Bear hosts a contest for new blogger sites to help introduce them to the blogosphere and the blogosphere to them. The contest is easy - each new site submits one post to be voted on by the Ecosystem at large. If you have a new blog you can join the contest here. All y'all can see the entries here. Voters and contestants alike can vote for as many of the entries as they want simply by linking to them on their own blogs.

Due to some Ecosystem problems (that are all fixed now, phew!) the contest I was in got a bit messed up. The contest stretched for a couple weeks and a lot of votes were lost as voters' sites rotated older posts off of their main pages. So, I'm in it again! Yay! I've entered Why oh why do I have to love women? for the contest.

Side Note: Speaking of the Ecosystem, I am now a Flappy Bird! Boo yah!

Posted by: Jim at 02:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 185 words, total size 1 kb.

C is for Cheddar. >From young and smooth to aged and sharp, everybody can play along.

Posted by: Jim at 01:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.

If you thought my Fecalation post was humorous, see Everybody Poops over at Tenth Muse for the female perspective.

Side Note: Everyone Poops is a great kids' book from Taro Gomi. If you have kids and/or a sense of humor you should buy it.

Posted by: Jim at 01:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 50 words, total size 1 kb.

Kate was late putting up the weekly Snarkfest. In the spirit of "anything you can do I can do better", I'm linking to it even later than she was posting it! Bwah, hah, hah, hah, hah!

Posted by: Jim at 08:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 48 words, total size 1 kb.

1. What is the best or most sentimental vacation you have ever taken and why?
Last year Lovely Wife and I took the bairns to Chattanooga for a long weekend. We stayed at the Choo-Choo Hotel, rode the Chattanooga Ducks, took the Incline Railroad to Lookout Mountain, had a midnight horse carriage ride through downtown and generally just had a smashing good time. It was especially sentimental as we had gone the year before and not had such a wonderful time. That one was before Burger's surgery and his health problems put a pall on Lovely Wife and I and the kids picked up on it. This time it was just magical.

2. Which poses the next-what is the worst or most regrettable?
That first trip to Chattanooga qualifies.

3. If you could go back and change one decision or action that you made, what would it be?
I don't think I would change anything. Everything that I have done has led to what I am right now, today. You remember the old adage of "For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of a shoe the horse was lost, for want of a horse the knight was lost, for want of a knight the battle was lost, for want of a battle the kingdom was lost"? I believe pretty firmly in causality and would not tamper with what has made me what I am today.

4. What are you most proud of in your life?
That's easy! Bear, Bacon and Burger.

5. What one memory from your childhood sticks out most in your mind?
I was about 6 or so. Big Bro was about 13 and Lil Bro was around 1. Big Bro was swinging Lil Bro up and down, doing airplane rides, etc. He had lifted Lil Bro up high above his head and both of them were laughing out loud. Then Lil Bro blew chunks into Big Bro's open mouth. It was the single funniest thing that I had seen in my life (and since then as well) and is probably the source of my wacked sense of humor.

6. What are your thoughts on homosexual marriage?
Nope. No way. You want to get married then you better have a round peg and a round hole involved. Oh, wait. That should be two round holes. No, wait again. Three round holes. Ah, shit. Let me start over. You better have one round peg, period.

I'm just funnin'. I don't think there's anything wrong with homosexual union. If two people love each other and want to commit to a life together then they should receive the legal benefits of that commitment regarless of race, religion, creed, sexual inclination, asshat status, etc. In fact, call any joining that's done outside of a church "Union" instead of "Marriage" and half of the opposition will go away.

7. What 3 laws would you change or enact if you had the power to do so?
1)Abortion - 3 strikes and you're out. After the third abortion you get the anti-baby implant.
2)Political Parties - Gone. A merit based system would be implemented. Candidates would compete to winnow the field to the top five and then we'd have the election.
3)Fallow Field Subsidies - This is when the government pays farmers to leave fields fallow. The gov would still pay the farmers but it would be to grow food. That food would then be the property of the government and could be distributed as foreign aid.

Posted by: Jim at 07:25 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 596 words, total size 4 kb.

The Letter of the Day is was "I".

I is for inanity as in frivolity or lack of seriousness.

(Hat tip to G for the link.)

"I" as a phoneme is very cool. It is one of very few phonemes with intrinsic and autonomous meaning and it has several different ones:

• There's "I" as in "I wish that certain media lines would take their collective heads out of their collective asses."


• There's "Eye" as in "If one more hysterically biased anti-American article comes out of Reuters somebody is getting an eye gouged out."


• Then there's "Aye" as in "Are you serious about gouging somebody's eye out?" "Aye, count on it."

Posted by: Jim at 06:54 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 112 words, total size 1 kb.

Talk Like A Pirate Day is September 19. Get your basic vocabulary down here and pick up some phrases with the English to Pirate translator.

Avast, ye scurvy lubber! Take yer eye orf me beauty or I'll be runnin' yer carcass thru th' scuppers!

I am SO ready.

I be tippin' me hat to that bilge rat th' Instapundit fer shinin' th' link. Arrrr!

Posted by: Jim at 11:48 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 94 words, total size 1 kb.

Since Allah has a blog now he is the most accessible deity that I know of. Wouldn't it be great if he would deign to answer some questions that we've all been curious about? Things like:

• If male martyrs get 72 virgins, what do female martyrs get?


• Are there grades of martyrs? Like if some guy blows up prematurely and only catches a couple of kids does he play second fiddle to a guy that takes out a disco?


• On the same line as the previous question, is it better to be a "mastermind" behind an attack or the actual exploder? Do these masterminds accumulate points or something like that? I mean it would suck to organize a dozen successful bombings then slip on a banana peel and wake up dead and without virgins.


• I'm not sure how accurate this is but I remember hearing that the eye of Allah is upon you during the light of day. Is it okay to booze it up after sundown?

Posted by: Jim at 07:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 171 words, total size 1 kb.

All hail Venomous Kate, Queen of the Memes.

F is for Fib. That's what Dell wants you to do.
(Hat tip to G for the link.)

Posted by: Jim at 01:42 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Carnival of the Vanities #50 is up at Rhetorica. Nice selection this week. Go. Read. Enjoy.

Posted by: Jim at 06:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 18 words, total size 1 kb.

Git on over to Electric Venom for the third installment of The Hunting of the Snark.

Posted by: Jim at 08:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 20 words, total size 1 kb.

Well, actually it's from the Atlanta area. And it's not really that hot today. Quite pleasant actually. That doesn't work too well with the over the top intro though. What the hell, let's give it a shot:

From the depths of a beautiful sunny day in the delightfully forested town of Duluth comes a horror the likes of which no one has yet seen and survived. Yes, with devilish delight I expose my victims to my Cheddar X responses! Bwah hah hah hah hah!

1. What TV show do you remember most from your childhood, and why?
>From early childhood it would have to be 3-2-1 Contact. It was the best kids show on television, hands down. Science was freakin' cool! An entire show about stuff I wanted to do! I had my introduction to paleontology and chemistry. In fact, my chemistry set was a direct result of 3-2-1 Contact. And oh, the hours of enjoyment that brought. Sulfur burns, shattering beakers, barely controlled alcohol fires. Ah, memories.

2. Who would you elect for governor of California? (Assume you're a registered California voter.)
My early favorite would have been Cruz "Bustamove" Bustamante. From what I had heard he was a well respected manager and politician. Then Arnold declared and there could be no other. I've been waiting oh-so-patiently for Arnold to get into politics. I mean, running for office in politics, not activist politics. He's my idea of a perfect politician. Self made, itelligent, generally genial but with a no-bullshit core. Add to that he's not a lifelong politician and that he could probably get away with riddling an opponent with bullets before dropping him off the Bay Bridge 'cause everybody's just waiting for him to do that anyway and you've got perfect political capital.

3. Do violence and drugs in entertainment media cause violent or delinquent behavior in minors?
Parents and environment cause violence and delinquency in minors. Entertainment is a part of a minor's environment that is under parents' direct control. I watched Apocalypse Now for the umpteenth time last week and, as it always does, it gave me a massive mood. It's a powerful movie. There is no way in hell that I would allow my kids to watch this movie. I know that if they did, they would be affected by it. For me it takes a couple of hours to shake it off and then I get mini-episodes for the next several days. Usually bad dreams for a night or two also. I can't imagine how bad this would be for a minor, someone who does not have the emotional experience to address their feelings nor the maturity to put things in context.

If you claim that violent and conflictive exposure will have no affect on kids then you are the worst kind of simpleton. If you say that TV / Video Games / Whatever made your kids bad then you are the worst kind of parent. My kids watch Noggin and some shows on Nick Jr., Disney and PBS. Am I overprotective? Hell no. I simply acknowledge that it's my duty as daddy to expose them to things that they are ready to handle. When they're older they will get to watch and experience more things. Some day I will be with the three of them as we watch Apocalypse Now but that will not be until they are mature enough to do so.

4. What are your current views on Iraq? How do they compare to your views from before the war?
I'm pretty upbeat but I have a few reservations. Things are progressing well, much better than I thought they would, but I think they would go even better with a larger military presence. I'd like to see us get a workable Iranian government and reliable local army in place as quickly as possible but then stay in an advisory capacity for as long as it takes to help them work through the growing pains. The major difference in my views before the war and now is how much I despise the despots of other Mid East countries (especially Iran and Syria) for their sabotage and hatred. They are doing everything in their power to screw with the Iraqis and they're getting a free ride from the bulk of the world press.

5. What phobias do you have? (Fear of spiders, crowds, etc.)
I have an irrational fear of being left behind at shopping malls. I don't know if I ever got lost in one as a kid or where the source of this thing is. When I'm at a mall and I didn't drive there I keep a very close account of where the driver is. I don't do things like "You go there, I'll go here, we'll meet up later". Can't handle it. It's especially irrational because even if I did get left behind there's no big problem to get home. Call somebody, take a cab. No major worry. Still scares me though.

6. If you could change one facet of American (or your) culture what would it be?
Diet. Specifically, remove sugar. America is so in love with sugar. I'm talking looooooooove. The average American consumes 160 pounds of sweeteners per year. Before the turn of the century the average consumption was around 10 pounds. Since 1974 the average consumption has doubled. Why does America have an obesity problem? Hmmmmm...

Posted by: Jim at 11:15 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 913 words, total size 5 kb.

Kate needs our help. She's come up with a new word and needs a definition for it. What should Speh mean?

I see loads of opportunity here. My first impression is a combo of Spew and Feh so I'm going with that.

Spew is vomiting but with a connotation of quickness and being unforseen. Spew is a reaction to a stimulus. Examples: "That coaster was so rough that I spewed" or "If I have one more jello shot I'm going to spew."

Feh is a very classy and time honored dismissal to a statement or occurence that includes built in disrespect for the object dismissed. Examples: "Donny Osmond. Donny Osmond. Donny. Donny. Donny. (pause) Feh!" or "Me? Go out with you? Feh!"

So Speh should primarily mean a disrespectful dismissal but include the element that the object being dismissed makes the speaker physically or emotionally ill.

So what do you think? Go give Kate your suggestions.

Posted by: Jim at 04:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 164 words, total size 1 kb.